In people's impression, men always have endless sexual desire, and when talking about "sexual apathy", it often refers to women. This judgment is unfair to both men and women, and it increases the psychological burden of women's pursuit of sexual pleasure. When men encounter low sexual desire, they will feel that they have a big problem and avoid seeing a doctor.
Sexual life "cold" is common for both men and women
In fact, low sexual desire is common in both men and women, with a female prevalence of about 40% and a male prevalence of about 30%. It is generally believed that after more than one year of regular sexual life, sexual needs and sexual activities are very low, or lack of proper sexual pleasure is called sexual apathy/low sexual desire or decreased sexual desire.
Mild sexual apathy/low sexual desire is mainly manifested in married men and women having a very low desire for sex, and there is no such requirement for not having sex for a month or several months; severe sexual apathy/low sexual desire is manifested as no desire for sex at all, no need for sexual intercourse for half a year or even several years, and no pleasure even if sexual intercourse is forced, let alone orgasm.
Sexual apathy/low libido is a disease that both adult men and women suffer from. However, due to individual differences in sexual desire, there is no clear boundary standard between normal sexual desire and low sexual desire and sexual apathy. Therefore, clinical diagnosis is often decreased sexual desire or low sexual desire.
There are many factors that lead to sexual apathy/low libido, including emotional factors, mental factors, disease factors and drug factors, etc. However, no matter what factors cause sexual apathy/low libido, it must be actively treated. Otherwise, whether men or women suffer from sexual apathy/low libido for a long time, it will not only affect the intimate relationship with their partners and destroy family harmony, but also affect their physical health in severe cases, leading to prostatitis, endocrine disorders, psychological diseases and sexual dysfunction in men, and rough skin, endocrine disorders, psychological disorders and various gynecological diseases in women.
Therefore, if there is a lack of desire or inability to have normal sexual life for more than 1 month, and sexual apathy/low sexual desire persists repeatedly, affecting daily life and even the relationship between husband and wife, they should communicate with each other, understand each other, and consult a sexual health instructor or sexual health counselor in time. According to the specific situation, they should actively adopt various means such as psychological treatment and systematic medical treatment to improve sexual apathy/low sexual desire, promote the health of husband and wife, harmonious life, and happy family.
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Symptoms of sexual apathy/low sexual desire
Continued for 3 months or even more than half a year, sexual interest and sexual demands decreased, the number of sexual intercourse or other sexual activities continued or repeatedly insufficient, and even completely absent in severe cases.
Usually, the main manifestations of male sexual apathy/low sexual desire are erectile dysfunction, sexual indifference, low frequency of sexual life, lack of interest in internal or external sexual cues, and even if they reluctantly have sex, they may not feel pleasure, cannot complete the entire sexual process, or lack sexual pleasure during ejaculation.
The main manifestations of female sexual apathy/low libido are unwillingness to have sex, fear of sex, lack of sexual impulse and desire, rejection of husband's attempts at sexual activity, and timely sex, but no pleasure during the process, let alone orgasm and sexual satisfaction.
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Reasons for sexual apathy/low libido
Emotional breakdown
Family conflicts, emotional indifference, and third-party interference lead to the breakdown of the relationship between husband and wife, which are common causes of sexual apathy/low libido in one spouse.
Anxiety and depression
Major events in life or work, such as unemployment, serious illness of parents or children, lead to anxiety, depression, and lack of desire for anything, which can also lead to sexual apathy/low libido.
Economic reasons
Low long-term family total income, high expenditure, excessive economic pressure, long-term loans, and personal debts can all lead to depression, mental depression, and sexual apathy/low libido.
Sexual value issues
During childhood, adolescence, and even adulthood, women receive sex education that suppresses sexual behavior, which leads some women to believe that sex is dirty and shameful. This slut mentality leads to low sexual desire and less frequent sex.
Long-term single sexual life and lack of freshness
The same environment, the same body positions, and the lack of fresh taste, vision, hearing and other sensory stimulations will lead to lack of sexual desire for both men and women over time, resulting in sexual apathy/low sexual desire.
Traumatic experiences in childhood or adolescence
Women (or men) have traumatic experiences in childhood or adolescence, such as sexual assault, incest or rape, which leads to them living in sexual fear. After adulthood, if this trauma is not promptly relieved, it is difficult for them to establish a good intimate relationship with men (or women), which will also lead to their sexual apathy/low sexual desire.
Excessive fatigue
Due to the heavy burden of life and long-term overload work, the body is always in a state of fatigue, and physical exhaustion can also lead to sexual apathy/low sexual desire.
Disharmonious sexual life
Due to the lack of pleasure or climax in the sexual life of the couple for a long time, the feeling that the sexual life is meaningless will lead to sexual apathy/low libido over time.
Postpartum women
Many couples will experience sexual apathy/low libido after childbirth. In this case, the man is mostly accompanied in the delivery room, and saw the bloody scene of his wife's lower body when the child was born, which caused sexual psychological disorders or reduced sexual pleasure due to vaginal relaxation after childbirth. The woman is mostly due to the slow recovery of reproductive system damage after childbirth, fear of childbirth, fear of pregnancy again, excessive fatigue in caring for the child, postpartum depression and other factors leading to sexual apathy/low libido.
Failure of sexual life
Failure of sexual life due to factors such as impotence, premature ejaculation, insufficient erection and excessive fatigue, resulting in guilt or depression, leading to excessive mental pressure. In order to avoid failure of sexual life again, the number of sexual life is deliberately reduced, which leads to aggravated loss of libido over time, resulting in sexual apathy/low libido. This situation often occurs in men.
Sexual pain
This situation often occurs in women. Due to lack of foreplay, lack of sexual arousal, vaginal dryness, and rough movements of the man, the female vaginal mucosa will be damaged and painful during sex, which will lead to fear of sex. After a long time, sexual apathy/low libido will occur.
Disease factors
Almost all serious diseases can reduce sexual desire and lead to sexual apathy/low libido. Mainly including reproductive system diseases and chronic, systemic diseases and endocrine system diseases.
1. Reproductive system diseases: Long-term reproductive system diseases lead to inability to have sex. Due to use and disuse, sexual apathy/low libido will occur over time. Such as repeated reproductive system inflammation, tumors, sexually transmitted diseases, etc.
2. Chronic systemic diseases: Almost all chronic systemic diseases can reduce sexual desire and cause sexual apathy/low libido. Such as hypertension, heart disease, etc.
3. Endocrine system diseases: such as diabetes, gonadal dysplasia, hyperlactinemia, pituitary tumors, hypothyroidism, Hashimoto's thyroiditis and other diseases may lead to sexual apathy/low libido.
Drug factors
Due to physical diseases, long-term use of certain drugs for treatment may cause side effects of these drugs to suppress sexual impulses, affect sexual desire, and thus cause sexual apathy/low libido.
Long-term lack of sexual life
Due to factors such as home environment, partners living in different places, partners being sick, and partners being sexually apathetic, a variety of factors have led to a long-term inability to have a normal sex life, resulting in artificial suppression of sexual desire and sexual impulse, which will also lead to sexual apathy/low libido over time.
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Judgment criteria for sexual apathy/low libido
Because sexual desire varies from person to person, there is often no clear boundary between normal and low, and the judgment criteria for sexual apathy are difficult to make. When making self-judgments, serious marital problems and important mental disorders need to be excluded.
Both mental and disease-related sexual apathy/low libido have obvious characteristics, as follows:
1. Mental sexual apathy/low libido: often accompanied by mental depression, anxiety, low mood, sentimentality and other manifestations.
2. Disease sexual apathy/low libido: whether it is reproductive system disease, chronic systemic disease or endocrine system disease, it is accompanied by corresponding symptoms of such diseases. For example, organic lesions, clinical examinations can show secondary sexual characteristics or incomplete development of external genitalia.
3. Distinguish between sexual aversion, sexual arousal disorder and lack of orgasm. It is difficult to make accurate judgments on such professional issues. It is recommended to consult a sexual health instructor or a sex and intimacy counselor. But here, I can briefly explain it.
Both sexual apathy and sexual aversion involve avoidance of sexual activities, but the characteristics of sexual aversion are hatred, fear and avoidance of sexual activities, while the characteristics of sexual apathy are lack of initiative in response. There is a causal relationship between sexual apathy, sexual arousal disorder and lack of orgasm.
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Solutions to sexual indifference/low libido
Exclude physiological diseases
After self-judgment and consultation with a sexual health instructor, exclude emotional and mental factors, and go to the hospital for a comprehensive examination as soon as possible according to physical reactions and clinical symptoms. The cause of the disease can be determined through endocrine examination, physical examination, imaging examination, sex hormone testing, etc. According to the doctor's advice, actively treat it, whether it is reproductive system disease, systemic chronic disease, endocrine system disease, etc., excluding physiological diseases is the first step in treating and regulating sexual indifference/low libido.
Improve the relationship between husband and wife
Although various media tell us that love is not the best foundation for marriage, nor is it the only foundation, humans are advanced animals with animal instincts, and feelings are the most important thing in marriage.
However, after all, humans are not animals and need spiritual communication and emotional companionship. If the relationship between husband and wife is bad, even people with strong sexual desire and sexual ability will find it difficult to have sexual desire and sexual impulse for a person who makes them disgusted and disgusted, let alone have physical intercourse with each other.
Therefore, when the relationship between husband and wife breaks down, the most important thing to solve is not the problem of sexual desire, but the problem of feelings. When two people have a good relationship and love each other, then the generation of sexual desire, sexual impulse and sexual relations are all natural and natural.
Psychological counseling
It is mainly to communicate with sexual health counselors, conduct cognitive therapy, family therapy, behavioral therapy and psychoanalytic psychotherapy.
Establish a correct sexual concept: Through cognitive therapy, change the patient's wrong cognition of sex, such as sex is dirty, shameful, and shameful, and enjoying sex and having orgasms are cheap and shameless behaviors. Let the patient know that sex is an instinct that everyone is born with, so they must face their desires, accept their desires, have the right to learn, explore and enjoy sexual pleasure. Establishing correct sexual values will reduce the patient's sexual inhibition, generate more sexual desires and sexual fantasies, and actively pursue a good sex life.
Family therapy: Actively and proactively solve family conflicts caused by economic, mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationships, children's education and other factors, adjust the relationship between family members, and relieve family pressure.
Behavioral therapy: Both husband and wife should attach importance to sexual activities, learn sexual knowledge and skills together.
Psychoanalytic psychotherapy: For psychological factors such as early sexual trauma, father or mother complex.
Adjust lifestyle
Live regularly, maintain adequate sleep, avoid staying up late, eliminate negative emotions, strengthen exercise, reduce alcoholism and smoking, pay attention to a reasonable and balanced diet structure, and develop good and healthy living habits.
Eliminate environmental interference factors, pay attention to foreplay and afterplay, and pay attention to multiple sexual stimulation
If there are many people at home or lack of private space, it will greatly affect the sexual experience of both husband and wife. It is recommended to change the environment at an appropriate time. You can go to a hotel to open a room or go directly to a love hotel to eliminate environmental interference factors.
At the same time, both husband and wife should pay attention to foreplay and afterplay. Before formal sexual intercourse, both parties should be mentally and psychologically relaxed through vision, touch, hearing, etc., and fully enjoy the pleasure of the moment. At the same time, they should be fully aroused through intimate names, intimate touches, etc., and the sexual desire of both parties should be fully mobilized, and then formal sexual behavior can be carried out.
During sex, pay attention to the sexual reactions and sexual cues of both parties, respect the sexual feelings of both parties as much as possible, and strive for both parties to have orgasms at the same time. Even if they cannot be synchronized, they should strive to make both husband and wife have orgasms during this sexual activity. After sex, men should not smoke, sleep or take a shower immediately. Through kissing, hugging and other behaviors, both parties can fully feel the love, which is conducive to the further perception of love by both parties and promote the next sexual expectation and sexual pleasure.
Otherwise, due to various reasons, sexual arousal is insufficient, sexual pain occurs, and orgasm is lacking, so that the other party does not experience sexual pleasure, which leads to sexual indifference/low libido in the long run.
Actively intervene in your own sexual needs
Even if there is no sexual desire in your heart, because of the importance of sexual behavior in the marriage relationship, in order to maintain the stability of the relationship between husband and wife, you can actively engage in some intimate behaviors with your partner, such as hugging, kissing, and letting the other party touch more, etc., in this way, actively intervene in your lack of sexual desire, thereby promoting sexual arousal and sexual impulse.
Increase sexual fantasies, create freshness, and try couple toys
It is human instinct to like new things and dislike old things. Aesthetic fatigue will seriously affect sexual desire and sexual impulse. Therefore, we must learn to change the style and learn more skills, including sexual fantasies, to create a fresh and stimulating environment and methods.
At the same time, do not start sexual activities when you have sexual needs, but purposefully engage in marginal sexual behaviors when you have no sexual desire, such as role-playing, sexy underwear, fun flirting tools, and couple toys, which are the main tools to increase freshness, so as to stimulate your sexual desire and promote sexual behavior.
Perform PC muscle training
The PC muscle is the pubococcygeus muscle, also known as the love muscle or happiness muscle, which is closely related to sexual function and urination function. However, aging, lack of exercise, reproductive system diseases, untimely exercise, obesity, etc. will lead to the weakening of PC muscle function and affect personal sexual desire. Therefore, both men and women need to train PC muscles to stimulate sexual organs, increase sexual desire, and promote sexual behavior.
